“To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive—to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before.”—
It’s hard not being open, all the great thoughts you have, all your emotions (good and bad) are kept inside until they make you crazy. They make you angry and defensive, because they have no where else to go but back through your veins the way they came. There are ways to let them out, some use sharp things; I use words. Words that cut like knives, cutting through my self-deprecation, through my sadness, all the way through my heart until the thoughts, feelings, questions are spilling down my face. The words gush out of my tear-ducts and seep through the paper, ink bleeds, and I feel at peace.
“Nineteen things I’ve learned before I turned nineteen.
1. Always carry $5 and a lighter with you (even if you don’t smoke).
2. Ask every person you meet how their day is going. Genuinely ask with the soul intention of learning how their day is. Ask the coffee shop employee. Ask the person next to you in line at Walmart. Ask your distant friend. Ask everyone.
3. Take many photos of yourself. Take photos of yourself when you’re happy. Take photos of yourself when you’re sad. Take photos of yourself because there are millions of trees in the world, and we all look at the same sky, but there is only one of you.
4. Stay in contact with your parents. Try not to hate them. They are the reason you have the ability to feel anything at all. Try not to hate your parents.
5. Opening your skin will not set your demons free. Open your heart. Open your mind. Open your hands.
6. Nobody knows anybody completely. That’s okay.
7. Be gentle, but be aggressive. Take a stand. Nobody hears your voice if you stay silent.
8. Respect everybody. We are all humans trying to survive. We all deserve respect.
9. Wearing black will ALWAYS make you feel better about yourself.
10. Always give tips, whether it be a couple extra dollars or a piece of mind. You never know how much you could be helping someone.
11. Change is the only thing consistent in life. Do not allow that bother you. Embrace chance and move with life, whichever direction it chooses to take you.
12. Smile often. Smile at strangers. Smile at your friends. Smile when nobody is looking and you’re alone in your bedroom. Smile when somebody is rambling to you.
13. Body image means nothing. Your body is merely just a seatbelt in the car. Your body is here to protect you. You choose the direction you go, and your body will not hold you back. Only you can hold yourself back.
14. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t allow yourself to hate anybody. Forgive them. Learn to love them for the person you never got to see them to be. Believe that a beautiful human exists in that person. Wish them well.
15. Drink orange juice. Lot’s of it.
16. Don’t allow the opinions of others to choose your destiny. We are all simply trying to live our own life.
17. Sing all the time. Sing off key. Sing in a silly voice. Sing like you’re on stage. Sing no matter who is around. Singing is breathing for the soul. Sing.
18. Take time to think. Write your feelings down. Write letters to the people you love. Texting is overrated and not as heartfelt as a nice handwritten letter.
19. Live for yourself. Breathe for yourself. Do everything in your life for nobody but you. This is your life. This is it.”—(via bl-ossomed)
When I can’t fall asleep at night, you are what occupies my thoughts. You make me feel like I am falling, like I’m spinning all the time. I see you in the hallway and my world flips; now I am hanging upside down while standing on my own two feet. For the last four years I have loved you, through your douche-baggy days and your sweet-as-pie days, through field day, homecomings, one prom, and AP class after AP class. 1,461 days hasn’t been enough? When will you look into my eyes and see this for yourself? When will IT end? When sea green irises kiss evergreen ones, when you finally have loved me, when you write me a love letter like this illustrating how each of the 1,461 days that you’ve loved me HAS been enough.
All the black inside me is slowly seeping from the bone Everything I cherish is slowly dying or it’s gone Little shaken babies and drunkards seem to all agree Once the show gets started it’s bound to be a sight to see
Sometimes you just need someone to talk to. Not every thought you have is useless, just voicing how you feel to someone can clarify your emotions, and the reasons behind them. If no one will to listen to you, I will. I am a good listener.
I wish I had friends who wanted to see me every day. I wish I was texting someone all the time. I wish someone would text me first for once. I wish I wasn’t a second god damned choice every god damned time.
All I remember is that all-consuming feeling of need. As humans we inherently feel a need for things, like food and water, but the need was not for such trivial things. This insatiable pull contorted my being into shapes I did not know possible, this beast inside my chest pounded until my every thought turned into a head-splitting nightmare. It has a name. It was promised to us all at some point; maybe by a parent, a friend, a God, or by a person of significant significance. Lots of people have let it crawl into their dreams. Others have sent it packing, because they were warned of its tendency to never leave. Various young souls have let it take its toll before taking their own lives. Everyone knows it to be a healing agent, but that my friend is a façade. Love can never truly heal people, but only make them need it. Then once the love has gone, the need remains tearing at the poor sucker who fell for those cliché words feigning sincerity.
“To be a happy person, one has to drop all comparison. Drop all these stupid ideas of being superior and inferior. You are neither superior nor inferior. You are simply yourself! There exists no one like you, no one with whom you can be compared. Then, suddenly, you are at home.”—Osho